angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she pinky promised me she was 18
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
