guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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