I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
