I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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