she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
