Got a toothbrush?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
