I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
