Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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