question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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