i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
