You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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