Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
