That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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