I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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