So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
