zippers are such a cool invention
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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