I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
