i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
