I wish my penis had an off switch
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
