I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
