Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
