My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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