I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
