I feel like abortions should bother me more
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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