I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
