Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
