I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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