You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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