yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
