The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
