my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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