hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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