so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
