Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
