Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
