I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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