apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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