So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
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Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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