After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
