I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
