you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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