I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
