he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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