You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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