Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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