last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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