You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
