If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
