Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
