I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
