508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
