drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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