I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
