you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
