I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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