yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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