So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
