Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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