you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i think i just lost a toe
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
