Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want nice things and good sex
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
