I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
