Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
