i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
