totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
