I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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