not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
