I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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