Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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