I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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