I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
