its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
